Kill Your Inner Drama Queen

There’s no technical definition for the term “drama queen”, yet pretty much anyone can spot a drama queen from a mile away! As I see it, a drama queen is a person (not necessarily female) who has an inordinate desire for attention, even if it is negative. A drama queen relishes having something to talk about, something significant going on in their life. To a drama queen, nothing could be worse than boredom. The drama queen simply needs to always have something going on, and if there is nothing noteworthy happening around them, they take necessary action to make something happen. Despite most drama queen’s complaining about how complicated their life is, they never seem to really do much about it – at least, nothing productive to find a solution to their problems. Instead, they simply whine loudly about their dilemma, creating more drama and feeding the cycle until it becomes an uncontrollable hurricane.

The drama queen needs drama in their life. They need it to survive (or so they think). Usually it is because they need to feel important. For whatever reason, they are not satisfied with the mundane. They are unhappy being normal or average. They don’t want to blend in. Instead, they must be the focus, the centre of the spotlight. A few reasons that drama queen’s crave attention could be:

  • They are afraid of not being noticed by anyone
  • They like the feeling of being perceived as important
  • They love gossip
  • They get joy out of meddling in other people’s lives
  • They have nothing better to do with their time
  • They lack a life ambition
  • They want people to think they are “in the know”
  • They can’t back down from a fight or let things go
  • They have thin skin
  • They think it is their job to fix everyone’s problems

As a youth pastor, I have seen my fair share of drama queens. It’s not exclusive to teenagers by any means (there are drama queens that are 5 or 55), but high school seems to be drama central. I took some time recently to speak with my students about the importance of killing the urge to be a drama queen. It starts by recognizing why you have the urge to be in the thick of drama to begin with. From there, we need to move to the appropriate Biblical remedy. Some of the more prominent truths that would be pertinent would be:

  • Care what God thinks more than what people think
  • Be secure with who you are in Christ
  • Learn how to forgive and turn the other cheek
  • Do constructive things with your time
  • Walk away from gossip

The Bible actually has a lot to say about handling drama. Sometimes drama can’t be avoided, but most of the time it can be, and even if not, usually its effects on our lives can be lessened by good use of wisdom. Drama queens are always in the thick of drama not because they can’t escape it, but because they don’t want to or don’t know how to.

1 Thessalonians 4:11 says “aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs”. This is some concise, straightforward advice. We ought to desire to live “quiet” lives; we don’t always need to be the centre of attention or the one stirring the pot. We can do a lot to achieve a quiet life by minding our own business. If it doesn’t involve you, stay out of it! Of course, there may be times when loving interventions are needed, but far too often we are just sticking our noses into other people’s affairs. Let our aim be to live a peaceful life doing the things that God has called us to do.

Another great text on this subject is 2 Timothy 2:22-23, which states:

[22] So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. [23] Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels.

Often this verse is used to promote sexual purity, conveyed by the idea of fleeing “youthful passions” and seeking a “pure heart”. But in actuality the context of this command is about drama. The words “controversies”, “quarrels”, and “quarrelsome” (vs. 24) all indicate that the subject matter is primarily drama. The drama queen is indulging in “youthful passions”, which is another way of saying their behaviour is immature. Instead, the wise person has nothing to do with stupid controversies that only lead to drama. Sometimes we just need to learn when to shut our mouths and walk away. Not only is it often the mature thing to do, but it quickly kills drama and significantly improves our quality of life. Someone who knows how to walk away from drama enjoys the peace and tranquility of a quiet life. This is how God intends his people to live.

The internet has definitely done a lot to fuel the fire of a drama queen. When it comes to this, I would encourage anyone to live by this old cliche: less is more. Take it easy with the social media and be the peacemaker. And if you still can’t manage to control it, stay away altogether.

So, how about you? Are you feeding your inner drama queen, or starving her out? I would encourage you to enjoy the life of peace available to those who walk away from unnecessary drama.

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